“Forever Effected”

Graduation Day,
but you’re not there.
With every name they call,
it is yours I hear.
………………
Seems so wrong how you’ve been gone almost a year.
I scream in my head NO!
when I realize you’re still not coming back.
How about that?
Seems so odd, you, my juggernaut.
Are you lost? You can’t possibly have died.
You’re invisible to my eyes,
my eyes that send messages to my brain
then to my soul
and my soul says you’re still here.
Still near.
Still hear my laughter my gossip my pain.
My pain that rains down tears
when my worst fear
that you’re not here
pierces my soul like a finger to a bubble.
My bubble, my little bubble.
My little world where everything is beautiful.
Do you see the rainbow?
My bubbles’ rainbow of ignorance to the reality of your absence.
Do you know how much you mean to me?
No, you weren’t perfect.
But who needs perfect?
I need you.
……………
Incredible, the truth.
Years now and I still choose
to fight
fight the truth.
I am scared.
Scared to start anew.
Anew without you.
I’m still used to seeing your face.
I chase the memory of your face
everyday hoping for
a hug
a smile
a laugh
a joke.
If I do finally begin to move on,
I choke.
I want to be fine, be whole again.
I am effected.
Possibly defected.
I’ve rejected acceptance.
You don’t deserve that!
For what you were, what you did.
People should be effected.
Forever effected….

— Anna Hill